I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
