to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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