A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
