"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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