just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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