butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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