ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize