I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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