Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
