Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
