do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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