So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
