Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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