dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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