I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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