Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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