You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
