he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
