Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
