Sponge bath it is.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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