I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you never un-have a 4some
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
