he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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