Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
