i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
