'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
