I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
