I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
