I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
