After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
