What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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