I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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