I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
love makes seman taste better
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
