Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
