those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i now understand why vodka
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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