Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
