??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
