Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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