Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
