my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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