k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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