the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
