2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my poor anus
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
