careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
