thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize