pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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