she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
