I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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