I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
