And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
