If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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