Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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