I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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