Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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