I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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