how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
