I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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