I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was confusing and full of hummus
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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