I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize