Got a toothbrush?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
