I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Pooping to opera.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
