I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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