Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
